Have made a few pathetic attempts at rekindling old friendships lately…mostly the results have been dead ends…I really only have myself to blame but heh. Knowing that doesn’t make it easier to deal with. I just can’t believe how cut off from people I let myself get over the past couple of years. I literally feel like an alien all the time. And all I can think of are these people who had a place in my life but who I let slip away, replaying memories over and over, having pretend conversations in my head, thinking about what it would be like to talk to them again. It’s so freaking sad! I can’t even have real conversations so I just make them up -.- It’s worse when I’m making my way to and from uni…there’s too much fucking time waiting around or walking where I have nothing to turn my attention to, so I just keep thinking of how pathetically lonely my life has gotten. And I hate that I’m actually complaining about this ._.
I was and am such a terrible friend. It’s taken me so long to realise this. I feel like apologising to those I miss dearly.
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